You Deserve More
by pessimistic-optimists
Summary: Sam thinks that Dean deserves good things... and doesn't know what to do when he starts giving him bad ones. Sam/Dean (wincest). My first fic well... ever. Sorry if it isn't much.
1. Chapter 1

'I mean _who knows_ Dean? Maybe it just wasn't- it just-'

It happened when Dean was facing the other way. The sun caught his eyes and cast the planes of his cheekbones into light and Sam was- was _overwhelmed_ by the urge to kiss his brother.

_Shit. _

Wait what, what NO… no Sam was most definitely NOT overwhelmed by the- there WAS _NO_ URGE. None at all. So he turned away, stuttering.

'Maybe it- just wasn't here…' he trailed off, doing anything but meeting Dean's eyes.

'Hey. Hey, Sam. Sammy, you with me?'

'Yeah! Yeah definitely. Um sorry, just…' he swallowed hard. 'So maybe it wasn't here to begin with.'

Dean shrugged off his confusion. 'I don't know, Sammy. It's a possibility, but the warning signs are all here…'

Dean continued as usual.


	2. Chapter 2

On their way back to the latest crappy hotel, Dean kept thinking about the way that Sam had looked at him earlier. It was… uh… it was like that time he had walked in on Sam watching _The Tale of Two Latin Beauties _(a good one, actually… but the sequel was better). It was like he had caught him with his hand in a cookie jar.

_But what friggin' kind of cookie jar, Sammy?_

Anyway, Sam had been normal…ish after that. A bit quieter than usual but yeah, normal.

_Son of a bitch. _

'Sam, do you have the key?' Dean turns around, wondering how the hell the key got out of his freakin' pocket after walking five mete- _here he goes again._

'Sam. Sammy, what the hell is wrong?!'

Sam swallowed, pressed his lips together, _hard_, and managed to quickly reply,

'Nothing.' Great, well whatever it is, Sam has been rendered unable to lie by this mystery whatever-the-fuck-it-is.

Dean's mind switched to hunter-mode. He couldn't be possessed could he… no it didn't check out. And he couldn't be a ghoul either, so… well something must just be bugging him.

'Sure. Tell me whenever you feel like it, Sam.'


	3. Chapter 3

Dean had noticed.

Oh _god. _

Sam had seen Dean frowning in the car, but had been optimistic… well, as optimistic as he could have been. All he needed was a minute away from him. That's all. Then they'd sit down and have a beer and maybe some pizza. Just a minute away from Dean.

Now Sam was so _close_. Right at the apartment door when Dean harrumphed, lifted his shoulders in frustration, and started to turn around.

'Sam, do you have the key?' Wearing a tired scowl, Dean glanced up at Sam and _froze_.

'Sam. Sammy, what the hell is wrong?!'

Biting down hard on the urge to kick himself, walk away, back to the impala and just sit in it for a while (because _nothing was wrong_ at all and _he_ hadn't been gazing like a moonstruck lover, that had been the alcohol) he realised that Dean was waiting for a response.

'Nothing.'

Dean wasn't buying it. He was looking at Sam strange, that is, until Sam saw Dean's eyes flash with suspicion (thank god)_. _If Dean was confused enough to think he was a monster, he wouldn't be guessing the truth any time soon.

They searched for the key and it turned up in Sam's jeans' back pocket, which made for a very uncomfortable removal by Dean.

Well, uncomfortable for Sam at least.

Dean was oblivious. But then they _finally _made it into the room and Sam made sure that he waited a minute until he fled the room for the bathroom and had a shower, certain that when he woke up in the morning he wouldn't be acting so damn weird.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam woke up feeling kind of… well he didn't really know how to put it.

_Stuffy?_

He could tell it was around eight or nine by the annoying angle that the light was coming in through the blinds on the other side of the room.

"Dean?" he said, mashing his face into the pillow. "Dean are you awake?"

His voice was groggy and tired and so was he, but he rolled over anyway and was met with Dean facing toward him, mouth hanging slightly open and taking breaths that were too loud for him to be awake. Sam chuckled when he thought of the possibility of being able to get Dean back for that time that Dean had taken a picture of him with a spoon in his mouth while was asleep. And the itching powder. But he had already done that with the superglue on Dean's bottle. _Now, THAT was fun._

Sam realised that his shoulders were shaking silently now, just remembering some pranks with Dean was cracking him up and he didn't know why. Then he was remembering how Dean had laughed when he had gotten Sam. Dean's laugh was amazing. Snarky and made up of part bravado, but warm and happy and sincere. He wishes Dean could laugh like that all the time.

_Maybe I can get him to laugh like that again… he hasn't in a while._

"MMmmamssam."

Sam jumped, realising that he had been envisioning ways he could get dean to laugh. He was about to call himself out on fantasizing about him like yesterday, (because oh GOD he would _NOT_ have a repeat of yesterday) when he stalled the thought by insisting that he _was just thinking of ways to get him to laugh_.

"Sammy. You up?"

"Yeah, Dean," said Sam, suddenly very awake and very cautious of everything he was saying.

Sam shifted his weight and looked over at Dean again, who was had his eyes closed and was facing up at the ceiling with the light hitting his eyes and tracing the shadow of his lips. It was then that Sam decided that the angle the light came in through the blinds was not annoying at all. It was perfect.

As though he could force a thought out of his head with a physical action, Sam abruptly stood up, out of the bed and strode toward the kitchen.

"A cup of coffee, Dean?"


	5. Chapter 5

"So you were right, Sammy," said Dean, "The spirit was apparently _not _the angry sister in the old shack with the lead pipe. But if it wasn't then who was it?"

Sam looked up at Dean from the laptop.

"I'm… working on it."

Dean chuckled and Sam's stomach twisted happily. He wasn't acting so weird anymore and he had gotten Dean to laugh. Well, chuckle at least. It was a start.

Dean was smiling down at the table when Sam started to think about how it would feel with Dean grinning into a kiss, unshaven and rough but sweet and- and- and now he was seizing up. _Oh god, oh GOD that was supposed to be the beer…_

But apparently not.

"Sam, something wrong? Seriously, man you've gotta tell me what's bugging you."

Sam was about to say something along the lines of "I… you- nothing. No." when the waitress appeared with Dean's burger and chips and Sam was given an excuse to go back to his laptop.

Sam could see that Dean knew he was weaselling his way out of the question, but Sam knew that it wouldn't be long until Dean cornered him and then he'd either have to come up with something or- no, no he would come up with something. But for then, it was all he could do to not let the relief show on his face.

(I won't be updating for a couple of hours, now – because it's 2:40 and I need to SLEEP)


	6. Chapter 6

"…y, Sam. Wake up."

Sam opened his eyes slightly and saw Dean leaning over him with his hands on the mattress next to him, smiling at his own joke.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Sam felt a blush shade his cheeks and he didn't know why, but he was too tired to hide it and replied.

"Hey, Dean." Sam hadn't meant for it to come out like it did.

Now Dean was blushing. No he wasn't blushing, of course not… Dean _doesn't_ blush.

It was with that thought that Sam pushed himself up with his arms and tiredly leaned into Dean's. Because Dean doesn't blush and he definitely was not feeling the same warm ache in his stomach as he was. Sam tilted his head up to look at Dean, whose eyes were wide and who was _definitely_ blushing and who was holding his breath. Who hadn't moved from his original position above Sam, so now they were face to face, less than an inch apart.

"Sammy…" Dean's voice was breathy and small and _shocked_ and it sounded almost like a question.

Sam saw Dean's gaze drop to his lips and then quickly snap back up to make eye contact.

Sam leaned in and up and pressed their lips together in a kiss that was _exactly _like he imagined. Dean turned stiff and tensed up, eyes widening, but Sam only angled his head differently so that their noses weren't bumping. He brought a hand up to Dean's cheek, which slid around to his neck.

Then Sam was pulling Dean into the kiss and Dean's eyelids had fluttered closed and he was leaning into the kiss. He was letting Sam pull him down. Sam realised that Dean was _kissing him back_.

Sam pulled Dean down onto the bed and pinned him by his shoulders. Dean made a small, submissive noise and his chin turned up, baring his neck. Sam was about to lean down and kiss Dean, mouth his neck and bite his ear, when he saw Dean and remembered what he was doing.

Dean was flushed and blushing, his eyes closed and he looked just about ready to be _bruised _by Sam. And Sam was frozen above him, freaking the _fuck _out because what the fuck did he just do. That did not just happen how the fuck could he let that happen what no NO.

"Sammy?" Dean's airy voice almost made Sam continue the drowsy make-out session. Sam looked down at Dean, who was concerned now.

"Sam?"

"Dean I-"

Dean must have heard the panic in his voice because he started to shift beneath Sam, reaching for his arms, but Sam noticed, pulling his arms away before Dean could grip them, unpinning Dean and leaning back.

"Sam." There was warning in Dean's voice and… pleading.

Sam started to retreat slowly, moving closer to the edge of the bed.

"I…" _I don't fucking know what the hell I'm doing, Dean._

Dean was following him with his eyes and started moving toward him.

Sam thanked god for having slept dressed the night before and quickly sprung off the bed, legs heavy as he dashed to his jacket. Now Dean was getting up off the bed quickly, trying to walk toward him before he reached the door and-

"I'll be back, Dean. I just need to clear my head. I'll…" he took one, last, quick look at Dean before turning his back again and continuing in a quivering voice, "I'll be back soon."

And then Dean was running toward the door, trying to get there but Sam was sprinting out, pulling it closed behind him and it slammed before Dean could catch it.

"SAM!" he struggled to open the door and burst out, running after him, but he was out and he could hear the Impala leaving.

Dean blinked back what were _not _tears biting at his eyes and drew a shaky breath as he saw the Impala escape around the street corner. He walked back inside quickly and closed the door.

He sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for something to happen.


	7. Chapter 7

(I felt something was missing from in between chapter five and chapter six , so be prepared for a jump back to chapter four! Also yay this is the longest chapter so far!)

Dean heard Sam's sheet's ruffling and turned toward him, opening his eyes slightly. Sam was looking toward the window.

"Dean?" he said, mashing his face into the pillow. "Dean are you awake?"

He sounded half asleep, but he rolled over and Dean went limp and closed his eyes instinctively.

Dean could hear something coming from Sam. Was that- _Is Sam giggling? _

Why in hell Sam would be giggling was beyond Dean, but now Sam was full-blown laughing up at the ceiling and… it felt good.

Dean didn't know why, but the sight and sound of Sammy laughing like that just made him feel all (though he didn't like to admit) _warm_.

Sam's laughter died down gradually and Dean rolled to face the ceiling_._

"MMmmamssam."

Dean heard Sam jump and remembered that Sam didn't know he was awake.

"Sammy. You up?"

"Yeah, Dean."

Sam stood up out of the bed in what seemed like a hurry and strode toward the kitchen.

"A cup of coffee, Dean?"

The warm feeling was gone now, and Dean was left wondering what the hell just happened.

Sam looked up at Dean from the laptop.

"I'm… working on it."

Dean chuckled and noticed Sam smiling out of the corner of his eye, which only made his grin wider and he looked down at the table and- was- was that a blush? …he was not blushing! Why was he blushing? He was just there with Sa_- _

_Sam is the reason you're blushing, idiot. _

Dean was confused and embarrassed and because he had just been blushing like a schoolgirl over a cute smile… from his _brother_. It was strange, though because he didn't feel guilty about the fact that he was his brother, it was just… _Sam._ Dean's eyes flicked up to see if Sam had noticed and that was when he saw Sam looking terrified.

"Sam, something wrong?" Dean knew there was _definitely_ something wrong. "Seriously, man you've gotta tell me what's bugging you." They were having this weird staring contest, and both of them knew that Sam was going to lose and then he'd have to tell Dean.

And then Dean's burger and chips arrived and Dean literally saw Sam's shoulders slump with relief.

Sam was in the shower and Dean was thinking about before because _goddammit _Sammy he wanted to work out what was wrong. Well Dean was _trying _to think about before and not about the fact that Sam was in the shower.

What was Dean doing, thinking that. I mean, sure, he hadn't gotten laid in a while but Sam? Really? Curse his mind's good taste, because Dean could agree that Sam was good looking, and all and… and... and then Dean was kicking himself because he was thinking about Sam in the shower again.

God, this was _so embarrassing_.

Dean wiped his face of expression when Sam came out of the bathroom in a towel. This was just like that time that Dean had put the itching powder in his clothes.

_Except that time you hadn't been all hot and bothered._

Dean picked up one of his guns and started cleaning it. Anything to occupy his hands and keep him from checking Sam out.

"Hey Dean," Sam was changed now, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. He was perched on the edge of the other bed, leaning forward with a boyish grin on his face.

_God, he's like a puppy. A really, really attractive puppy. _

Dean was feeling all warm again and Sam had apparently forgotten what he was going to say because Dean was blushing and Sam was blushing back and Dean didn't know about Sam, but he was feeling embarrassed.

Then Sam was looking terrified again and he quickly rattled off a goodnight before lying down on his bed and turning away.

_God, WHAT is Sam so terrified of- oh. OH._

Dean's eyes widened and he laid down on his bed, turning off the light.

_OH._

Sam had been thinking about Dean. _SAM_ had been thinking about _DEAN._ It took Dean a bit to get that through his head.

_Of course, Sam had more common sense than me, though, so he knew to feel guilty about it._

Meanwhile, Dean had been thinking dirty thoughts about his brother and not feeling guilty at all.

_Well, why should I feel guilty?_ _Because, you know… incest and all that. _But Dean didn't even feel weird about the fact that Sam was his brother. They didn't even live in society, really, so society could go stuff itself if it thought that they were icky.

Now he just had to convince Sam of that.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, Sam. Wake up." Dean was leaning over Sam, looking down at him. It was about time he got up. Sam opened his eyes and Dean couldn't help himself.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Sam _blushed_, but he didn't do anything, he just looked up at Dean with those goddamn puppy eyes.

"Hey, Dean." Dean almost closed his eyes and sighed when Sam's voice greeted him; small, airy and innocent. Now Dean was blushing like last night. _Dammit_.

Dean was stuck there now, above Sam and the situation wasn't getting any easier for Dean when Sam sleepily pulled himself up and leaned on Dean's arms which were still planted on the mattress. Dean's blush deepened and he felt his eyes widen and started to hold his breath as Sam tilted his head up to look at him, making them face to face. _Oh GOD, Sammy, what you do to me…_

"Sammy…"

Dean risked a quick glance at Sam's lips and he looked back up at Sam to make eye contact.

Then Sam leaned in kissed him and Dean tensed, before feeling Sam's hand on his cheek and losing himself.

Dean was being pushed into the matrress when he felt Sam go stiff.

"Sammy?" Dean saw desire flash on Sam's face and then Sam was looking down… looking terrified again. "Sam?"

"Dean I-"

_Oh, no Sam. Not now. _Dean started reaching Sam's arms, but Sam noticed and pulled back before Dean could do anything. It was the opposite of nice feeling Sam unpin him.

"Sam." Dean hoped the message would get through. _Don't do this Sam. Please._

Sam was moving away from Dean slowly, looking more terrified than ever

"I…"

Sam dashed to his jacket and Dean chasing after him.

"I'll be back, Dean. I just need to clear my head. I'll… I'll be back soon."

Dean didn't think Sam heard, but as Sam ran away, he was exclaiming after him.

"SAM," the door slammed in his face. "No. Sam. NO, NO SAMMY. COME BACK."

Dean willed himself inside quickly after watching the Impala speed off, barely keeping down tears.

When he made it inside, he sat on the edge of the bed. _Sammy. _

Oh god, had it been something that he had done? He tried to stop himself thinking that. But had it?

But, no, it hadn't been him. It had been Sam, thinking that he owed society the right to dictate who he could love. Dean couldn't blame him. Sam had more common sense in his pinkie than Dean had at all and maybe Sam was right… maybe it was wrong. _No. Nothing that is wrong could feel so… perfect. _

But it seemed as though Sam didn't think that. It seemed like he was trying to convince himself that.

So Dean thought about Sam for as long as it took for him to fall asleep in the foetal position on his bed. When he woke up, it was like some cruel parallel of that morning. There was no Sam leaning over him.

Meanwhile, though, his back was sore and his neck ached from sleeping in a weird position. Dean didn't feel like he had slept at all.

_Better get used to that… Sam won't be back for a bit._

Dean knew Sam. And Dean knew that Sam would stay away for days, weeks even, for as long as it took to convince himself that he didn't love Dean.

He spent his day trying to stop himself from looking outside for Sam every three seconds and rearranging and cleaning his weapons. He fell asleep thinking about Sam again that night.

He woke up, feeling strange. There was a loud knock on the door. _Sam?_ He tried to speak but no words came out, his lips formed the sound but he couldn't push out the air. He couldn't breathe. _SAM._ He fell to the floor choking and the door swung open.

"DEAN!"

Sam ran to his side, cupping Dean's face and then Dean was being pinned down onto a bed by Sam. Sam was above him looking terrified. _Help me, Sam. _Dean didn't think that he had spoken, but Sam seemed to hear him and started to back away.

"Sorry, Dean but… I can't." Sam sounded desperate, like he was trying to pretend that Dean wasn't choking. "I don't love you." Sam shook his head at the floor.

_SAM. No. Sam._

"Goodbye, Dean." Sam turned to Dean sadly.

_NO, NO SAMMY. COME BACK. _His vision started to cloud over, just long enough to see Sam closing the door softly behind him.

"SAM!" Dean woke up suddenly, pushing himself up off the bed with his arms. His brow was sheened with sweat and he was shaking.

_For god's sake, Dean. Pull yourself together, he been gone TWO DAYS. _

Dean leant into the crook of his elbow. _Pull yourself together._

_(sorry about this chapter taking so long, I ran into some MAJOR block and didn't know what to do with it. The next chapter will be Sam's POV so we'll get to see what that moose is up to)_


	9. Chapter 9

Sam gripped the steering wheel. _Hard_.

_What have I fucking done?_

He had given in and he had used Dean and it was wrong and Sam was wrong and he had messed everything up and he pulled out onto the side of the road, knowing that it was not a good idea to be driving like this.

He placed his hands on his legs, trying to calm down, but it was all he could do to lash out at himself rather than the car, slamming his arms down on his legs. He groaned and put his face in his hands, trying to figure out how he could have just done what he did. Sure, he was half asleep, but that didn't give him an excuse to give in to the incestual, gay thoughts he had been keeping at bay.

Wow, _that_ was something he'd never expected to think.

He continued driving and stopped to get gas. Soon enough, he stopped again for food.

It was the usual kind of diner, except that he was drinking away the fact that he had just ran away from his brother, mid make out.

As he was on to his second beer, a waitress came up to him from behind and Sam guessed that she was going to flirt with him. He really would have been flattered and let her down easily, usually, but he was scared out of his wits because he was still seized by the urge to stick a hand down his brother's pants.

"Can I get you anything?"

Sam didn't know why, but when he turned to face her, he met her with a look that he could _feel _the angst seeping out of. The waitress moved back the smallest bit, but it was enough to be visible.

"No, thanks."

He looked down again, suddenly angry at himself. He shouldn't be feeling sorry for himself; he should be scorning himself for his moment of weakness and vowing to fix everything.

"Are you okay?" There was concern in the waitress' voice and Sam politely tried to smile, failing horribly.

"Yeah, 'm fine," he said, before putting his elbows on the table and putting his face into his hands.

"You don't look fine… the next one's on me, okay?" She took his now empty beer bottle and walked off, promptly returning with another.

"You sure you'll be fine?"

Sam's head was objecting to the empathy, but he couldn't help it. He smiled slightly, not failing this time, and looked up at her.

"Thanks."

She walked off and Sam was left wishing that he could feel the way he felt about Dean about her. _Stop it. STOP. _He had to stop feeling sorry for himself and get a game plan.

_God, how am I going to fix this?_

…_._

_I'm gonna go back there and I'm going to… to…_

He was going to do _something_ at least. After spending another six days driving around, he was going to make things right and make sure everything went back to the way it was. Even if he didn't have a plan yet.

Sam pushed down on the part of his conscience that was crying out and pulled into the hotel car park. He could see their window from here, but couldn't see Dean. By then, Dean knew he was there.

He got out of the Impala, closed the door and locked it behind him. It took a lot to resist the urge to run in, but when he got through the lobby, down the hall and to their door, it opened before he could knock.

"Sam."

His brother's face was lined with worry and… anger. Something in Sam piped up saying that Dean wouldn't have been angry about him leaving if he didn't feel the same way, but Sam silenced it and replied.

"Hey, Dean."

"_Hey?_" Dean pulled him inside and closed the door.

"You leave me for a _week_ and all you can come up with is _HEY_?!"

"I'm sorry, Dean. I just-"

"Though that it would be okay to leave me in the middle of," Dean hesitated and looked down on impulse, but then he realised what he was doing and looked back up at Sam, "in the middle of _that_?"

"I'm sorry for leaving, but-"

"BUT WHAT?"

"But it's _wrong_,Dean."

Dean's gaze snapped up to Sam, expression desperate. _GOD_. He looked like an injured puppy and Sam was having a hard time meeting his eyes.

"I was stupid and I'm sorry, but it's wrong." Sam actually _HEARD _Dean choke back something that sounded like his name.

"Why?" It seemed that Dean was still intent on fixating Sam with the most intensely heart-wrenching expression possible. Sam replied with a questioning look.

"I mean, why is it wrong?" Sam went to speak, but nothing came out. It hadn't felt wrong. It had felt… well, the thing that was the opposite of wrong was the thing that it had felt like. He didn't think it had felt right because the word 'right' simply could not begin to describe it.

"Because we're brothers?" Sam looked up to interrupt him and say yes, but stopped himself when he saw Dean's expression. It had changed from something innocent and desperate and needy to something that was ready to bat down any objection that came in its way.

"Sammy, it doesn't _matter _that we're brothers! If people want to be weird about us being brothers, fuck them, Sam. We don't owe them anything. We aren't even really a part of their society."

Dean had gradually been growing closer to Sam and he grabbed both of Sam's hands in his own, pulling them up and placing them on his chest. Sam leaned into Dean slightly, absently splaying his fingers. Dean sucked in a breath.

"Sam I would do anything for this." He sounded so desperate, so… loving that Sam couldn't help but melt a bit.

Sam tried to stay resolute, despite Dean already having pulled him back.

"But I _used _you, Dean." His non-existent plan didn't seem to be working, because Dean was drawing him closer even as he spoke. Now they were almost pressed up against each other. Dean ran his hand up Sam's arm and then to the side of his head. Sam leaned into his hand despite himself and though every warning bell in his head was ringing, _he _moved a bit closer to Dean.

"You didn't use me, Sammy," Dean was so utterly sincere that Sam couldn't even lie to himself that Dean was just being really, _really_ convincing.

"But we can't…"

"Who says?"

((I don't know why, but I feel like I messed up this chapter… if you see any way I could improve anything and would like to tell me, please feel free! Should I continue from here or does this serve as a good ending? I just don't want to drag it out. I'm sorry about how slow I was to get this chapter up and I hope you enjoyed it. Lizzy out))


	10. Chapter 10

"One or two?"

"Uh, two." Sam grinned.

Dean nodded and leant down, sliding two eggs onto Sam's plate.

"Thanks."

Dean leant down as Sam turned his head to speak and surprised Sam with a kiss. Sam responded hungrily, exhaling slowly through his nose, relaxing into the kiss.

It hadn't been hard at all for Dean to convince Sam that nothing was wrong with them together. Hell, if Sam's resolve had been a wall, Dean had demolished it with a nudge. And when the wall was gone well… Sam had unleashed what Dean could only describe as a pure mixture of unadulterated passion and lust.

_And WOW. Just wow._

Dean felt Sam's hand move up to his neck, sending tingles down his spine. _Then_ he noticed that the frypan was veering dangerously close to Sam's temple.

Pulling the frypan away from Sam, Dean ducked out of the kiss before Sam could pull him down.

"Whoa, Sammy, I'm holding a frypan here!"

Sam grinned, "Sorry!"

"Oh don't apologize, I just didn't want to burn that pretty face of yours…" Dean let his eyes drop to Sam's lips. "We can pick up where we left off later."

Sam noticed Dean's mental fucking and made some seriously charged eye contact before breaking away and turning back to his breakfast, tucking in.

_I've still got to get used to this. _

They had been like this for about a week now, and Dean was _loving_ it because once Sam's aforementioned wall had fallen down, it hadn't gone back up. So every single time Sam felt like checking out Dean, he did. And Dean didn't know how Sam felt, but the fact that he just checked out his little brother and got some eye-fucking thrown right back at him, well… Dean wasn't going to stop appreciating that any time soon.

After Dean had dished up his own eggs and taken care of the frypan and the stove, he took his plate to the table and sat down opposite Sam, just as the phone rang. Dean rolled his eyes and started to get up, but Sam put an arm on his shoulder, signalling that he'd get it. He nudged the chair out from under him, walking around the corner of the table, and went to pick up the phone.

"Hello? Oh, hey, Bobby."

Dean absently wondered what Bobby would want calling them, but brushed the thought away. After all, they call him up all the time, just for info.

"Mhm. Yeah. No, we haven't got anything going right now. Yeah, will do. See you then."

"So what did Bobby have to say?"

"He was wondering if we could meet him at his place and help with storming a nest of vampires his friend, someone called Rufus, found. Apparently, it's pretty big."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "How many?"

"They're thinking ten, eleven, but they don't want to take any chances."

"Sounds worthwhile."

"Yeah, I thought so."

"Let's head over there then." Dean finished his eggs and slapped his hand down on his thighs.

Sam walked over to Dean as he was standing up and Dean looked up just in time to see him easily complete the last stride toward him and then, with centimetres separating them, lean down to place a strong hand around the back of Dean's neck, the other trailing down behind him.

"I can think of something we can do first."

((SUP! I am SO sorry about the gap AGH, but I'm not doing anything tonight, so I'll be trying to belt out another chapter in an hour or so. I'll aim for another two chapters by the time that I feel sleep deprived enough to give in! sorry that this chapter is so short. kisses and hugs and internal screaming – Lizzy!))


	11. Chapter 11

Sam watched Dean grin at him and reach for the door handle and he couldn't help but steal a glance at the way Dean jeans tightened when he leant to get out of the driver's seat.

It took a bit of willpower not to laugh at himself. Why? Because he had said to himself that if he was going to give into his feelings and if Dean felt the same way, then he wouldn't half arse it, but he wondered if this was getting out of hand. Seriously, he caught himself checking dean out something like once every two minutes.

He allowed himself a small chuckle at how not-weird-about-this he felt and then followed Dean out of the Impala, up to Bobby's front door.

Dean knocked, "Hey, Bobby!" Dean was looking down at the doormat, but his gaze meandered around.

"Bo-"

"GOD, just wait a second would you? Idjit," Bobby called out from inside.

Moments later, Bobby came to the door opening it and gesturing for them to come in.

"Hey, boys. You're looking… great." Sam couldn't help but notice something strange about the way that Bobby had emphasized that and he checked Bobby's facial expression, only to find sincerity and surprize.

"Well, geez, Bobby," Sam grinned to his ears, "I'm sorry that we don't look tragic."

Dean chuckled and all three of them walked into the kitchen.

"Sam, Dean, this is my friend Rufus and a couple of his friends, Smith, Arianna and Payne."

After greeting' were exchanged, they got to planning the raid.

"So, plan is, Payne, Smith, Arianna and Rufus are going to go around the back, with me covering the exit. Then you two will come in through the front. Their nest is split up into tree main sections; there's this back room here, then there's a storeroom that goes all the way along the left side of the building and the rest of the space is taken up by what we think is being used as some kind of feeding room…"

"What do you mean, feeding room?" Sam couldn't help asking.

"Well, we think they've been capturing people and keeping them alive, feeding off them at intervals so that their bodies can repair. We think the Vamps think this will make them last longe-"

Dean piped up, interrupting him, "Yeah, we'll take your word for it."

"So, does the plan sound good?"

"Well," Sam said, reasoning with his idea, "is it a good idea to leave the front exit unguarded?"

"I mean, one of you three," he pointed at Arianna, Smith and Payne, "Could guard the front entrance while Bobby guards the back. That way, two people will filter in through each side and ach exit will have someone manning it."

Bobby nodded in content agreement.

"Yeah… yeah, that sounds better actually." He started to trace a pathway through the building on the blueprints.

"You two can take the left side, here and try to get to all the vamps you can in the storeroom. We understand that they're running low on _feeders_," the man that Sam and Dean knew as Payne spat the word out and continued, "They're probably not top-notch condition. We also have a fair amount of Dead Man's Blood in syringes, so each of us can take a certain amount…"

The strategy planning went on for a while, until they were all happy and sure that they knew where to be, when. They unanimously decided to carry out the raid as the sun was rising, so that they weren't extremely visible, but so that it was light enough that, by the time the raid was underway, the sun had come up enough to weaken the vamps if they tried to turn tail.

Sam and Dean went into a room that Bobby had said they could stay in to find that there was one bed.

Both of them had to keep themselves from sighing in appreciation at the happy misunderstanding and, after changing into a t-shirt and briefs, Dean fell onto the mattress, closely followed by Sam. Dean felt an arm fall over his waist and droop to pull him back until they were pressed closely together and they fell asleep like that, worn and tired from the day, but more comfortable than they had been in quite a while.

((YAY I DID IT. A whole other chapter and it only took… four…. hours… oh well! at least I got another chapter down right? Also hold up because this is just in… I was _going _to end it this chapter but NO!  
I'm going to continue this now… at least for a couple of chapters. Happy Halloween by the way. Sorry for rambling, Lizzy.))


	12. Chapter 12

The hunt hadn't been going as planned. Sam and Dean had been fighting with three vamps at once and Sam was finally getting closer to his target, concentrating so much that he hadn't noticed another sneaking up on him. Dean had seen and he had charged into its line of aim, meaning that he was slammed up hard against a wall and, let's not forget to mention, he almost got a chunk of his shoulder ripped out.

Sam had been so fuelled with rage and wild panic that he had been able to take out all three over a couple of minutes. Then, he turned toward Dean, checking he had no major injuries.

"Don't worry I'm ok-" Dean was silenced by a heavy right hook landing on the side of his face.

"Dude, what the hell?!"

"That thing almost ate your fucking SHOULDER, Dean!"

"Yeah. So? Why did you punch me?"

"OH MY GOD, DEAN YOU CAN'T JUST JUMP IN FRONT OF A VAMPIRE MID-CHARGE."

"I CAN IF IT'S CHARGING FOR YOU!"

Sam stopped short. Dean was cupping the side of his face, his eyes all Sad and angry now and fuck, because Sam couldn't be angry at that face. Now he just felt crappy.

"Dean, I-"

"What happened y' idjits, I could hear you from six rooms away."

Dean turned to Bobby, guiltily relieved at the interruption.

"Nothing. It's good." He stole a glance at Sam, who met his eyes and started to reach for him, but stopped abruptly, his eyes snapping to Bobby.

Dean could tell what he had been thinking.

((firstly, I am SO SORRY about the lack of updates. I FEEL TERRIBLE because I had told myself that I'd get another two chapters out in two days, but IT"S BEEN LIKE 4 DAYS AND I HAVENT MADE A SINGLE CHAPTER I AM SORRY AAAAH. I don't even have a good excuse UgH. expect another one in an hour or so! Lizzy))


	13. Chapter 13

After an entire trip of avoiding the other's eyes, Sam and Dean ambled through the front door of Bobby's house. Bobby was in the kitchen trying to think of something to cook when Sam got his attention.

"I can do that." Sam stood up and Bobby nodded him toward the fridge, heading to the lounge, where Arianna was being carefully tended to by Payne, who seemed to hold himself responsible for the blow she had taken to her ribs.

Dean started toward the kitchen for a beer, but, at the sight of Sam cooking up something like two-_dozen_ sausages, he decided he would help with the food.

After everyone had eaten, Smith, Arianna and Payne left.

Bobby bid the boys goodnight, heading upstairs while they did the dishes.

They soon finished and were about to go up to their bedroom, when

"Sam." Dean looked up from under a guilty expression that Sam felt bad about causing, "I'm sorry."

"Dean, you have nothing to be sorry for… I- I just overreacted a bit. I just didn't want anything to happen to you."

Dean stood up on his toes, leaning forward to kiss Sam gently but eagerly, draining all the unwanted tension out of both of them. Sam placed his hands on the sides of Dean's waist, leaning down.

"Hey, did you tw-"

Dean practically fell backwards, away from Sam and Sam jumped on the spot, whipping around to face Bobby, his cheeks tinted pink.

Bobby's eyes were wide as he backed up.

"Bobby," Dean was the first to speak, stepping toward Bobby in a way that was barely noticeable.

Meanwhile, Sam was frozen on the spot, trying to think of something – _anything_ - to say. He ended up looking down at the floor, listening to Bobby's retreating footsteps.

((YESSSS, I managed to do another chapter even though –wait for it – my laptop _BROKE_. I can't even log in, it just blue screens. UGH but never fear I'm getting it wiped and fixed and I'll try to be posting chapters on a more regular basis. I'll also be starting another story, with the first chapter in a day or two? In the last note-y thing I forgot to thank you for all the wonderful feedback, reviews and constructive criticism! So, yes… THANK YOU! I'm rambling again, sorry – Lizzy!))


	14. Chapter 14

"Bobby, Bobby!" Dean was following him grabbed his shoulder, stopping him before he was even out of the kitchen. "Bobby, we can talk about this."

"What kind of a thing to say is that? There's nothing to talk about."

"What?"

"Whatever you boys've-" paused to frown slightly at Dean, "… have got going on or- well, whatever it is, it has to stop and… and that's all."

Dean's stomach lurched a little.

"Why?"

"Because it's- it's _incest _for chrissake! What are you two thinking?"

"I don't know, but Bobby, do you think we'd be doing this, do you think _I'd_ be doing this if it was something that wasn't life or death? Because it is. This had been tearing me up three ways from Sunday until we accepted it and you think you can just tell me 'it's wrong'? I've had my fair share of doubts, Bobby, but he's more important than _anything_ to me. He's more important than your opinion of me. So if you're going to tell me I'm a sick bastard, go ahead, but don't you try to take him away from me."

Bobby was taken aback and his face scrunched slightly, "You're not sick, but he's your _brother_ Dean. You can't go taking advantage of your _younger_ brother, that's just not right."

The older man had obviously struck a chord, because Dean faltered and flushed slightly, his steely resolve of certainty morphing into something less firm, something hesitant.

Dean shrugged off the expression and bristled, turning back to Sam.

"Come on, Sam."

Sam walked toward Dean, still facing the floor, and risked a glance up at Bobby, who was still watching Dean.

"Hold up, I want to speak with both of you before you run off on me."

"Sorry, Bobby, we're leaving. Now." Dean's tone was icy. He gave Bobby a cursory nod before proceeding to walk briskly in the direction of the front door, followed closely by Sam, who stumbled on a piece of loose carpet in the doorway, that was peeled back from a tear in the fabric, in his rush.

The older man's voice carried out to them as they strode quickly across the dirt and gravel to the Impala.

"Wait y'idjits! What would John think? Hell, what would your _mothe-_"

Bobby was cut off by Dean slamming his door closed behind him after he ducked into the driver's seat with Sam following suit.

Bobby continued to call after them from his doorway and watched as Dean revved the engine, pulling away from the front of his house. He waited until the black car was out of sight to lean against the doorframe and sigh before straightening up.

"Those idiots." He let out a strange chuckle and walked back inside purposefully, securing every lock on the door before strolling down the hall, through a couple of rooms, to get to the descending stairway.

He spoke loudly as he bounced down the steps and turned to speak toward a restrained figure.

"Bobby Singer, oh ho _ho._"

When the person tensed and his arms strained their ropes momentarily, shifter-Bobby's lips tweaked upwards slightly and he stepped more slowly toward him.

"Those boys are the closest thing you have to a family, according to what I can make sense of in your gin-soaked noggin, and now… they hate you. Meaning, of course, they won't be coming back for at least a couple of days, but, knowing them, they will come back soon... well, soon enough."

He reached around the back of Bobby's head and loosened the gag, flinging it carelessly to the side.

"There you go, now you can _reply_ instead of evil-eyeing m-"

"What did you do, you son of a _bitch_?"

"Touchy, aren't w-

"_TELL ME_ WHAT YOU _DID."_

Pseudo-Bobby raised his hands in mock-defeat, "Fine, fine, I'll tell you. Sam and Dean, well… they have a thing."

When the shifter was met with a suspicious and confused stare, he sighed.

"They're 'more-than-just brothers', 'brothers with benefits, 'star-crossed lovers', take your pick. They're together." The shifter sounded strange to Bobby's ears. His own voice, yet… not.

"Wait, _together_ together?"

"See, now you've got it! A bit slow on the uptake, but bingo!"

A moment of quiet contemplation was Bobby's response and then he raised his eyebrows slightly, accepting the idea. He didn't see anything wrong with it. Those two only had each other.

"Then what… oh no." Bobby paled slightly.

A shifter threatening him, he could handle. This, he could not.

The shifter smiled coldly, "Oh _yes. _You told them it was wrong, that it couldn't happen. I'm being melodramatic, aren't I? Oh, well. You also told Dean, quite pointedly in fact, that he couldn't go taking advantage of his _younger_ brother. You told him how it's _just not right_."

"_No, dammit!"_

"You should have _seen _his face. My, my, Bobby boy. They really don't like you now."

"So now what? What're you going to do?" Bobby

"I'm not telling you, but one thing's for sure… I'm not going to hang around with you, so I'll be on my way." The shifter stalked away before pausing momentarily and turning over his shoulder to add, "For now."

_((firstly, can I just say that I am really sorry about the gap agh. I was just having the worst block and I literally could not do it even though I have all the free time in the world now that the holidays have started. I felt a bit over the block today and I managed to hammer this out and I've already got part of the next chapter down… I hope it's not bad! There should be the first chapter of a new story I'm doing up within a couple days – lizzy))_


	15. Chapter 15

Sam opened the shotgun seat of the Impala and ducked in after Dean. They both were silent as the engine revved and they pulled away from Bobby's house, ignoring and avoiding the disapproving figure calling out to them from the doorway.

Sam was still slightly flushed from shock, not being able to help the coil of anxiety tightening in his stomach. He wasn't quite sure that Dean had ignored everything that Bobby said.

_Sam means more than anything to me._

Sam kept the words playing in his head. Dean said that. Surely, that would mean he wasn't second-guessing anything, right? Right.

But he had been using that expression that he always used when something was wrong. Blank, if not stoic, lips pressed together in a hard line. That expression ;Sam knew so well. Sam was going to say something, after all, he had to; it wasn't like Dean was going to break the silence. But then… he did.

"Y'know I had actually thought that… I had thought, if Bobby found out, that he'd be okay with it. No clue why, it just… felt right. I had been thinking about outright telling him, too."

Surprised at Dean's increasingly hesitant monologue, Sam replied, "I had thought so too…" He shot a nervous sideways glance at Dean, who had kept his eyes on the road, and continued

"Dean, you didn't- you didn't listen to anything he said, did you?"

Dean threw a tilt of his head in Sam's direction, tilting his eyebrows up and scrunching up his face in that way he did when he wanted to reflect a question.

"What? No, of course not, Sammy."

_So, yes, you did._

Sam's mouth started to form a word, but whatever he was going to say was cut off by Dean reaching for Led Zeppelin and swiftly flipping it over and inserting it into the stereo.

Though Dean was hesitant, Sam was relieved when he spoke soft and low.

"Now let's just try to get at far away from… that… as possible, hey, Sammy?"

Sam nodded as the volume on the stereo was turned up.

He tried not to think about how Dean couldn't meet his eyes.

_((okay here goes. w ow I'm really super sorry about not posting just when my block went away, but I've been really struggling with being anxious and stuff. BUT I've finally reined in my anxiety enough to decide to frequently post smaller chapters like this, so maybe you'll see another one of these today! –lizzy))_


	16. Chapter 16

Dean sighs when Sam breaks away from his duffel with a change of clothes and strides toward the bathroom.

_Finally._

The door shut behind Sam with a brittle thud and Dean let his back fall onto the bed where he sat, forcing air out of the cheap duvet.

Relieved, he couldn't help but think about how hard it had been to avoid Sam's gaze, his pointed silences that they both knew had asked questions Dean didn't want Sam to say out loud. But he had done it, avoided every last one, and now they were in another crappy hotel.

He lay there, taking advantage of the privacy to sigh and roll on his side, until Sam came out of the bathroom and changed, getting up to change as well and then falling back onto the bed. Dean was nervously surprised when he remembered how Sam had walked ahead of him to order their room, standing closer to him than usual.

He remembered the way that Sam had asked for a king, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist and letting his looks linger. Obviously, Dean had figured out that Sam was trying to reassure him without speaking and had been slightly ticked off, but the thing was, he _had _been reassured by it.

Sam took the duffels up from next to Dean and placed them on the floor at the end of the bed. He climbed up and lay parallel to Dean, waiting in a silence that was less companionable than usual.

"We should talk about it." Sam said.

If he had said it any other way, Dean would have whipped out a smart-ass comment and detached from him for the night, but he sounded pleading; small and sad and achingly like the eleven year old who had pleaded with him not to tell Dad about how he hadn't fought back to the playground bully Trevor. Dean had known what Dad would say. "Man up and fight him back. Use what I've taught you." That wasn't what Sam has wanted, though. So he had murmured Sam his comfort and strapped his knee, telling John that he had pitched forward during knife throwing practice and taken Sam with him. Even if he earned himself a few dirty looks from his father, he felt good. He had helped Sam. That was what mattered.

Dean realised he had gone off on a tangent and that moments had grown into a long silence.

A silence that he was sure Sam knew had been filled with thoughts, but a silence nonetheless.

"Could we jus-" Dean started to speak, but cut himself off when he reached for a common source of comfort, his amulet, and it wasn't there. Sam apparently sensed the shift in mood, because, after the smallest silence, he turn to Dean, pushing slightly off the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"My- my amulet. It's gone."

"Maybe it fell off when you changed."

They both proceeded to get up and scour the hotel room until they were certain it wasn't anywhere that Dean had been within the last hour.

"I'm sure it couldn't be in the impala." Sam muttered.

"Well, then, where cou- oh, no. Oh, _crap_."

"What is it?"

Dean sat on the bed with an exhale and turned to look at Sam, "Bobby's. I'd have to have left it at Bobby's."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

They didn't want to go back to Bobby's any time soon, which was part of the reason why they needed to. Dean needed his amulet and if they didn't get it now, they probably wouldn't for a month or so. He could go a day or a week without it, but would admit that a month seemed too long for his liking.

"We'll head back in the morning. Just run in and grab it. Nothing more, okay?" Sam asked.

"Sounds like a plan… I guess."

Dean knew that Sam wanted to know what he had been starting to say and he didn't want to force Sam into asking, so he decided to bite the bullet and continue from where he had left off.

"So, uh, I was saying… could we just wait 'till tomorrow? I'm tired and I don't have the amulet and I want to sleep and eat and get it back and then we can… talk about it." He gestured vaguely between them and sighed.

"Just not tonight. Please."

Sam looked down at him and joined him on the bed. "Okay, but tomorrow, we get the amulet and _then_ we talk. Okay?"

"Okay."


	17. Chapter 17

_(This chapter starts at the end of chapter 14.) _

"Damn it, why didn't I think of something earlier? Why didn't I plan ahead?"

He knew why. He had seen them. The two brothers, one tall and one shorter, he had seen them and gotten worked up and jumped in without thinking, so eager to get to them. He had replaced their old, fat father figure and enjoyed every last moment of taunting them, watching the pain in their expressions.

But now they were gone and he needed a way to get them back.

Restless, the shifter stood up from where it was sitting on Bobby's kitchen floor and circled around the table in the middle of the room, toward the hall. He was about to make a beeline for the front door when something reflected a point of light into of the corner of his eye, stopping him in motion. Curious, the shifter moved forward to scoop what he saw was a small… medallion? No, Amulet.

It took a moment of confusion to recognise the amulet from Bobby's memories of the previous day; Dean had been wearing it. He rifled further through years of knowing Dean and found the amulet constantly. Placed carefully in the impala's glove box when Dean had to fish through a creek for sunken silverware; at times it was put aside to keep safe, but other than that it was a constant; always strung around Dean's neck.

_Yes._

The shifter could tell that this was something worth coming back for. This was something Sam and Dean _would_ come back for. He probably didn't even have until tomorrow.

The shifter slapped its thighs and jumped up.

It was time to shut up that old man and then find a safe place out the back to shed.

_(I'm really happy that I was able to get out a third chapter in the space of two days! I'm way less anxious now, so I'll be trying to update more in the next few days. I feel bad for not updating this for ages up until yesterday so hopefully I'll be able to make up for it! –lizzy)_


	18. Chapter 18

Dean woke with Sam's nose nudging at the plain of skin where his neck met his shoulder and lay, half asleep, not remembering the events of the previous day. For a sort half-hour, Dean was still in the world where Sam and Dean where brothers and Sam and Dean were together and Sam and Dean had decided that nothing was wrong with that, but the lightness in his chest was short-lived. When he reached for the cord of the amulet around his neck but found its absence, he froze up under Sam's hand on his waist and slowly inched away, moving until he left Sam to wake up alone in the bed to the sound of Dean hauling their duffels across the room.

The trip to Bobby's started out tense and silent and, thanks to occasional remarks from Dean, awkward, but Sam replied to Dean's strange observations about the landscape or the shop they were passing or how similar that worker looked to that guy that they met at that Jayhawks game once and eased him into conversation until they were speaking about whether soft or hard tacos were better and Dean caught himself laughing at something Sam said.

The sound was cut short in his throat when Sam leant over and placed a chaste kiss on his lips that ended as quickly as it had begun. Like Sam didn't want to take any chances.

Dean swallowed but he was still looking at Sam.

"Stop thinking so hard, Dean. It's okay." Sam said, smiling.

_(yes I got another one done! It's super short, but that's only because I was writing another chapter and I thought that it'd be okay if I posted this and then the rest, otherwise it wouldn't be up as quickly. expect more within like two hours or something –lizzy)_


	19. Chapter 19

_Dean I hurt my ankl – Dean, where does Dad g - Dean, are monst - I just want to be nor – I'm always the new kid why doe – I wish Dad would let m – I - _

He had been Sam Winchester for nine hours now and was still getting… well, he was still reeling from the effects that the memories usually had on shifters. The stronger the influence of a person's memories on them, the more traumatized or crazy or happy they were; that all affected shifters. Of course, they didn't _become _the people they were, but they were handed the life's memories of whoever it was and, even if it was the most normal person possible, the entire lifetime of a person is a lot to take in.

Shifters didn't call it taking in, though, they called it phasing.

_I should ask Dean about that Jayhawks ga – The drive is two whole days, jesu – _

Usually, an entire phase took two to four hours, a short time when you think about the fact that they're… downloading, in a sense, an entire lifetime.

_Since when does he know what I wan – to be normal. I just – Need to do my maths by Monda – _

Apparently, though, Sam Winchester was majorly effed up and nine hours – _nine freaking hours _– after shedding into the overgrown toff, the shifter was _still_ phasing. He knew it was because he wasn't powerful and he knew that it wouldn't last for more than another fifteen minutes, but it was still a pain in the ass.

The shifter flinched as a particularly strong memory stabbed at his left temple.

_Dean, I'm leavi – I got accepte – you could come wi – anford could be a new start, I -_

Goddamn. Usually shifters could just go about their usual business when phasing, but strong or traumatic or just really _BIG_ memories sometimes caused physical pain.

He was, though, just glad that the circumstances didn't call for him to shift into Dean. He had heard that Dean was somehow even more troubled than Sam.

He probably didn't have more than an hour until the brothers would arri –

The shifter cried out as he was forced to his knees with a combination of memories that tore through his lower abdomen.

…_jess? - JESS - no no this can – "I'm going to die… and you can't stop it." – no NO JE – a faith healer, Sam? Real - this can't happen we were going to – DEAN? DEAN ARE YOU OKA – we had so many pla – _

"Jesus fucking _Christ._" He clutched at his, no, Sam Winchester's, stomach and groaned. He had only _heard _of this much fucking pain in, uh, that guy… he couldn't remember his name, but he had been a survivor of the scene of some kind of mass murder and had been the only one left alive or something.

_Not everything. – We found this thing once, we can find it agai - an't believe the fucking car crashe – you'd better fucking wake up. – your own so – Dean, are you here? – Dad, no. WHAT'S H - _

If Dean was _more_ troubled than Sam then he wondered how strong Jeff really must've been to phase so quickly and painlessly into him. A twinge of his own aguish caught at the mention of Jeff in his thoughts, but he didn't have the time for that and continued to dutifully ignore it.

Riding out the pain, he took reassurance in the fact that the most important or eventful or traumatic memories usually hit last and clung to that like a rope over the canyon until suddenly, all at once, whatever pain he had been feeling simply ceased to exist and he was left not remembering how it had felt.

A lifetime of detached memories and dulled down emotions washed over him as he closed his eyes and surveyed the mind he had at his disposal.

For a traumatised wreck, Sam Winchester was feeling surprisingly happy.

_(yay another chapter! I'm sorry I didn't live up to my message of two hours, my mum decided to be spontaneous and take me to see skyfall. It was pretty fricking cool but I kind of felt bad. anyway, I'm glad I was able to get myself to get this done and I fell much better for it. I have always wanted to know what it would be like for a shifter, ever since 'Skin', and I had a small, strange collection of head canons, so I wrote them in! I'd like to think phasing is much easier for more powerful shifters. this one is, I think, almost at the bottom of the shifter power scale. I'll try getting the next chapter up soon! -lizzy.)_


	20. Chapter 20

Sam was chewing nervously at his bottom lip, and looked up from where his eyes where focused on the dashboard only when Dean spoke.

"We'll just run in and grab it, Sam, don't worry."

"Dean, I'm fine," Sam stretched his lips into a smile. "Honestly, I'd be more worried about you."

Dean knew the words behind what Sam was saying, he didn't want to be upset about this, he didn't want Dean to see he was hurting and most definitely hesitant to get out of the car.

"Sam. Hey Sam, Sammy!" Dean put a hand under Sam's chin and tilted his head until they were looking into each other's eyes. "You don't even have to come inside… I'm pretty sure I know where I left it, so I'll just be a second and then we'll scat."

Dean was pulling words out of his ass, they both knew it, to cheer Sam up, but seriously?

"_Scat?_"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yes, 'scat'. Jeez, be careful princess, those eyebrows go any higher they'll disappear into your flowing locks."

"Shut up, Jerk."

"Bitch." The word came instantly and both of them felt a bit warmer, a bit more comfortable after the familiar banter. It was as if nothing had really happened.

At the thought of what had happened, Dean's smile dulled momentarily, "I'll be right back, Sam. Really."

Sam watched Dean remove himself from the car, noticing how quiet he was as he sidled up to the house and his gaze fell fixed on the door after Dean had gone out of sight. Engrossed, he didn't notice the movement outside the car and didn't think twice about the small shuffling sound of gravel until the door flew open and everything went black.

_(I'm fucking back and I'm going to finish. this. story.)_


	21. Chapter 21

He was in the kitchen and there was no goddamn sign of it. No sign of Bobby either, but he wasn't thinking that. He was not.

He was sure, though, that it was in the house. It had to be, right?

"I couldn't have left it anywhere else," Dean muttered, speaking to himself. Or at least he thought, which is why he jumped when a voice sounded to his side.

"Apparently, you could have." Sam was standing there, and holding the amulet up at shoulder-level, but his voice wasn't humorous.

Dean stepped forward and snatched the amulet out of his hands.

"Dude, that was unnecessary. What if I shot you?" Dean pushed the amulet down over his head and looked up after receiving no reaction. He was met with the sight of Sam looking down at the ground, avoiding eye contact.

"Sam? Sammy, what is it?"

"Nothing, man, it's just… nothing. I found that on the ground outside."

"Oh, I'll, uh, be more careful next time, I guess. Are you sure? That you're fine, I mean? You're kinda freakin' me out here." He stepped forward and reached to hold Sam's arm, stopping in fright and confusion when Sam flinched away.

"Sam, what the hell's wrong?!"

Sam looked up at Dean and met his gaze levelly. "Dean, I… you know that I was nervous about coming here."

"Yes?"

"But you don't know why. See, I… I wasn't nervous about seeing Bobby, I wasn't scared about what he thought, I was scared how you would act when you found out that I agree with him."

Dean felt like he had been thrown into ice cold water. It was the same feeling of inherent muteness, of inability; and though he tried to think of something, _anything_, to do or say, he couldn't. Not a word came out, even as Sam continued, gesturing with his hands.

"I mean, it's just… not right. I feel like you took advantage of me in the spur of the moment, like you- you _dirtied_ me. I just need to be here for a while…. away from you."

"But, Sam, I-"

"Dean, don't. I need to be with Bobby for a while, he understands how I feel about you."

Dean forced his eyes away from Sam's face to try to mask the constant stream of internal panic rolling on a loop inside his head.

_oh my god, Dean you've really fucking done it now well fucking done you're basically a cradle robber this would be funny if it wasn't so fucking sick you're sick this is sick oh god what have you done to your baby brother_

How could he have thought that Sam would feel the same way? He had really… he had really thought…

"Sam, I… it just seemed so real. I didn't know I was forcing you into anything."

Sam gave a dry, humourless laugh, "Why else would I have run away after you kissed me?"

Dean was growing more confused and scared every moment.

"But we spoke about this. You said that it was all fine!"

"Did we really speak about it?"

Dean recalled the whispered minutes of teasing he counted as 'speaking about it'. After a lifetime if speaking nonverbally to one another, it didn't seem anything different. That was how they were; if you can't say it out loud say it another way (or don't say it at all).

What if that was what had happened? Sam couldn't say what he was thinking out loud? And if, then, he couldn't say it another way, the only option left was to not say it at all.

Dean didn't reply.

"Dean, just leave, I-"

Sam was cut off by a muffled bang and a badly-schooled expression of shock flashed over his face for a moment, until he picked himself back up and continued.

"I just wan-"

Another bang, more of a strange scrape, followed by a voice calling out.

"_eeen, DEAAN_!"

Dean's hand flew to the gun in the back of his jeans.

"Holy _shit_, Bobby!" His voice was a whisper and he glanced over to Sam, only to see that Sam was strangely tense. "Loosen up, man. We've got to go get him."

After deciding that the noise was coming from Bobby's basement, Dean walked slowly in the direction of the door, crossing through the hall only after carefully checking corners. When he got to the door, it was heavily locked.

"Well, shit," Dean groused, "here goes nothing."

He shot the door handle three times before it gave, and then continued on to the solid locks. After a total of seven shots, he stilled and checked for any noise.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, I'm here, man."

Dean frowned, "No, I mean, did you hear anything?"

"Oh, right. No."

"Right, okay." Dean nodded once. That was weird. "Then it's go time."

He lightly kicked the door and briskly made his way down the stairs, aware of everything outside of himself.

Holy shit.

After assessing the room to be free of any danger, he crossed to Bobby, who was bound and tied to a chair. Whoever had done it was a grade-A predictable amateur, but that wasn't what he was paying attention to. Bobby's entire left arm was covered in blood. It seemed all to be only from two or so wounds, but it was a grisly sight, some dried and crusted and some glistening with a new wetness. Dean ran forward and removed a gag that looked like it had been removed and re-tied several times.

"Bobby… Bobby, who did this?"

Bobby drew a ragged breath. "_Great, broken ribs, too." _Dean thought.

"_It… Dean, it isn't-"_

"Bobby, what?!"

"S-Sam. It isn't S-" Bobby erupted into a coughing fit just as Dean spun around to aim his gun at Sam, who batted it out of his hands.

"Oh, well, it was fun while it lasted." Sam's- no, _not _Sam's eyes had a malicious gleam to them as he quickly took the small step needed to get to Dean and sunk a ragged knife into his stomach.

_(There'll probably be another update within an hour!~ Lizzy)_


End file.
